We are UNIQUE, We are different, We are Indians...

A couple of months ago one of my colleagues (who was from ATLANTA and had blonde hair, and had come as a part of the onsite team to India) said - " Can I ask you a silly question?".

I said, ya, nothing new (in a lighter tone and thankfully he did not understand the sarcasm).

He said " Is it true you have animals wandering on the streets in your country?".

I said sarcastically, "Yes, we have 6 lane roads built for them only. There are no humans on the roads. Who told you this?".

I could sense he was a bit uneasy having asked such a question. To pacify and soothe him, I said – “see, people keep on saying things like that since the time "Slum dog millionaire" has been released. Don't take them too seriously. And you can always come to me to check the validity of what you have heard”
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I agree we have cows on the streets sometimes but then cow is not an animal for 80% of the Indians. She is mother cow. We worship her. How can we ask her to step out of the road? (evil grin :P)

Jokes apart, a lot of people in this part of world need a training on Inter cultural skills. They have to understand that people are different, cultures are different. There are certain things which will never change, no matter how developed we will be.

Someone said "you have SIM cards cheaper than rice". I mean so what? Doesn't this shows our technological advancement in field of telecommunication. Name even a single country in this whole world which is at par with the kind of infrastructure and cost effective facilities we have when it comes to telecommunication.

Somebody else said "you have car loans cheaper than educational loans". So, isn't it self-explanatory? Haven't you studied demand and supply theory in economics? Higher the demand, costlier and lesser is the supply. We are a nation of 125 crores (I don't like using millions or billions, I like it in Indianised way) with above 50 percent of them between age of 1-40. No wonder if education is costly.

If you use common sense, there are valid reasons for things.

As one of my friend says, the time is not far when in 10 years 70 percent of world will be brown. I agree to that and I guess so do you.

How To Crack HR Interviews (100 % Effective)

One question that really pisses me off is ‘what are your weaknesses?’ Why would I want to reveal my weaknesses? And what makes you think I’ve a weakness, let alone weaknesses? Can’t I be perfection personified? Every time I answer this question with, “Nothing. I’ve no weaknesses.” They give me a look of bemused disillusionment and they say “Nothing? Sure?” What is that supposed to mean? Am I supposed to have at least one weakness? Will you not hire me otherwise? Is this some company policy? I’m sorry Mr. #$%^@ we only hire people with weakness. We can’t take people who have no flaws. We are more interested in people who are good but do have something lacking. Thank you for your time.

Then they start to probe a little, “Are you sure you have nothing?” and they ask it in a very accusing way. Probably, if I say no at this point they’ll run a background check on me, find my weaknesses and then showcase it for the entire world to see while pointing and laughing. So I give in and list my weakness - “ I hate working”.
Following which they don’t hire me. If you didn’t want to hear then why did you ask me? What happened to appreciating honesty?

For those who don’t know it, the most appropriate answer to ‘what are your weaknesses?’ is – I’m a workaholic. If I was the interviewer I’d hire every *@%&# who said this and make him work 24 hours. You’re workaholic? Good job ! Do my work as well.

But this is not how interviewers react. They love this answer because it shows that the interviewee is a dumb, unable to think for himself, conformist who can be manipulated to do whatever the company wishes. This guy gets selected.

So what’s the secret to clearing HR interviews? You need only one talent - the ability to bullshit. Lie as much as you can. Having good grades is a plus point because good grades are synonymous to clear understanding and practical application of concepts. Grades have nothing to do with rote learning,
Interested in clearing HR interviews without being a total unimaginative prick? Your saviour is here! I’ve taken the liberty of compiling the best answers that will help you bag your dream job and I’m kind enough to let you read them for free. Remember use these only in interviews where you seriously want to get a job. Don’t waste them on some random shitty interview.

1. Can you tell me about yourself?
Ans. The piece of paper that you hold in your hand is called a résumé and in this case it’s my résumé. I was under the impression that someone hired to take my interview would have a skill-set that includes reading ability. Since, you are not able to read it I shall tell you about myself but there’s a catch.
Before I was born an angel appeared to my parents and told them that they would give birth to a prodigy, someone who’s perfect in everything. My parents were overjoyed. They informed everyone they knew. And then I was born.
When I was born they realized I was gifted with nothing. Inability to multiply without a calculator, inability to spell correctly, inability to speak more than one language and this was when I was 20 years old. Out of spite I took a vow. If I ever talk about myself to anyone, I’ll break into his house and eat everything he has kept in his refrigerator.
So, if I tell you about myself I’ll have to break into your house and empty your fridge. This may leave you on the brink of starvation. After which you won't give me this job, for obvious reasons. I mean who gives a job to someone who breaks into his house and eats everything stored in his fridge? I suggest it’s best if we ignore this question and move ahead as I really need this job to feed my family of one (just me).
2. What are your strengths?
Ans. Nothing. I was gifted with nothing. Why do you keep bringing this up?
3. What are your weaknesses?
Ans. Getting whacked in the head. Once I’m whacked I’m powerless for a minimum duration of 5 minutes. Once I was about to defeat superman after an epic battle that lasted for 10 days and 14 nights. Just as I was about to pin him down he whacked me in the head when the referee had his back turn. Kyptonian can’t play fair! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted an alien! I don’t think we need people like him on Earth. Earth is too crowded. Go back to Krypton. Wait, your planet got destroyed. HAHAHA! You’ve nowhere to go.

4. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Ans. I’m afraid I can’t answer that because a long time ago, when I was having a casual conversation with a friend I remarked, looks like it’s going to rain tomorrow. When it didn’t rain the next day my friend was heart-broken. He felt I had lied to him. He then sued me for promising and not delivering. I lost a friend and a lot of money. I know we haven’t set foot on the journey that is friendship but I do see you as a prospective friend. If we do end up becoming friends and then my 5 year prediction doesn’t come true, I don’t want to go through the pain of losing you. I hope you’ll understand.
There have also been unconfirmed rumours that many HRs compile the answers given to this question and turn it into a book. They sell it by the title, ‘The world 5 years from now’. Gullible losers buy it hoping to know what the future holds for them. I don’t want my work to be used for such an act. Maybe, if I’m paid 70% of the profit I’ll give it a thought.